Ben Howlett, or Omelette to his frat boy conservative peers, has decided to take out a lawsuit against his former less politically aware self over his libellous actions.
Following a public egging in Bath over his stance on maintenance grants, Ben Howlett aims to remove his hypocrisy by striking the record clean.
Utilising a loop hole in English law, by suing his past self for libel he can remove any statements he deems as non-party whip approved and, once again, be known as the bastion of personal integrity we all know and love him for.
This defence by Howlett is but one new addition in an arsenal of techniques used to avoid accountability, slightly less famous than the ‘if I’m over 60 I can’t remember anything’ defence used by Rupert Murdoch and the ‘if you release this I’ll go to prison… which is bad PR for the country’, used by Blair. This technique, if successful, could usher in a revolution in the party, once and for all banishing the horrible thought that conservatives may indeed be normal people and not the physical manifestations of Orwell’s pigs they try so hard to be.